How I met my future ex-wife.

My future ex-wife is a parchment faced German emigre called Amelie. She's a striking albino with matted hair that, inevitably, every winter grows to such a length that it falls across her coat-wire shoulders like, oh, epaulettes, or wings. Amelie cuts her locks back with kitchen scissors every new year's eve to her jaw, or … Continue reading How I met my future ex-wife.

English Teeth.

We sat, the six of us, on two black, vinyl settees facing each other and waited in the waiting room to be interviewed for the orthodontic apprentice technician position. A clock ticked on a wall, a cheese plant slouched by a window, old magazines were splayed on a glass-topped table. The nearest publication had a … Continue reading English Teeth.

Humming Neil Sedaka.

He had risen not unusually for a week day or weekend afternoon - the sun chased the moon between the clouds; both shimmering in the tree boughs, like matinées (before the talkies); the hanging rain, the red puddles of leaves in the street - * but he found himself wondering again as he shaved, smearing … Continue reading Humming Neil Sedaka.

Notes From a Fragile Island. 24

October 10 2004 Croydon Blue. Click clack click clack. Footsteps behind me. A wonderful, feminine clatter spills across the concrete and glass and Saint George's applauds and so do the pigeons and so do I. The arcade, everything, is suddenly charged: electric. I fall into a stroll and her footsteps fall in beside me. Fingers … Continue reading Notes From a Fragile Island. 24

Thug (with pinkie extended).

Voting nine to one in favour of, the members of the annual general meeting of the Mill Dam Seamen's Mission deemed that the sale of alcohol and bar food would be more advantageous to both the charity's future coffers and present patrons than the traditional offerings of hope, faith and charity, and so, later that … Continue reading Thug (with pinkie extended).